Anyone who runs a blog knows about comment spam. The sheer amount I get would catapult this blog into the OMG Best. Blog. Ever. category, if that were the parameters that determined popularity.
I actually don’t understand how spam works. I mean, is it all automated, or is some of it manually posted by real human beings? And if the latter, I’ll say this: I promise never to complain about my life again, because if someone is forced to write things like “Barabara [sic] Bush has always been fairly liberal, so too her twin sister and the mother. Georgie must feel really isolated in that house!” in my post on how to make the most out of your Facebook page, well, suddenly even the most mundane part of my life doesn’t seem so bad.
That said, I do have a FAVORITE spam comment of all time that shows up in various forms on a weekly basis, and I bet anyone who runs a blog has gotten one of said forms. It goes like this: Blah boink what is this Poop heh.
Seriously, say that line out loud. In different accents. Like the guy from the Chinese food take out place or like Gretchen, the German housekeeper from the TV show Benson (gawd, I’m dating myself here…not sure why THAT just popped into my head). But, seriously. Say it out loud right now. It’s honestly the best. Line. Ever.
Sometimes the spammer will revise it (hey, writing is all about rewriting, so props to said spammer) to this: Blah what what is this Poop hah.
Or this: Blah what what is this Poop wut.
But my favorite is still the first version, probably because it has the word boink in it, which is another great word that I don’t use often enough in daily conversation. But now, omg, NOW. When I get mad or I’m hyper or I want to torture the cat or a copywriting client sends me edits I disagree with, I march around my studio apartment saying the line out loud: Blah boink what is this Poop heh.
And it feels so freakin’ good.
I want to be cremated and scattered after I leave this world, but if I were to be buried, I’d want that line on my tombstone. Seems fitting, don’t ya think?
Bloggers, do you have any favorite spam comments? Or am I just weird? I’m not weird, right?